This blog is one of the items that came up in that “I need help” Google search three years prior. I was starting to copy and paste the entire blog so I could read, soak in, take notes on, and take some clues on next steps.
My copying and pasting made it through Jean’s first 16 posts. Some very important ones! But nothing came of it. Some aha’s and much embarrassment (relating her words to my own actions), but no action. Perhaps I quit for a day or two… But alas here we are three years later reading it again.
I’m now, just within 4 days, 34 posts into the blog – almost into a year of Jean’s journey.
There are many moments that spoke to me so far. One of which is highlighted here: https://unpickledblog.com/2011/03/31/fake-it-til-you-make-it/.
“As it turns out, my habit is like a persistent, bratty 3 year old that says, “Can I have candy?” (No.) “Now can I have candy?” (No.) “Noowwww can I have some candy, pleeeeease?” (No.) “I WANT CANDY!” (No, darling.) “Wahhhhh, candy! Candy! Candy! (No, no, no.)“
Yes!?!?! I truly felt like I was the only person on the planet that just couldn’t shake that nag. So often I would bargain with myself, “Okay, just one drink so that voice will shut up.” But the voice will not EVER shut up.
Another blurb from her blog that I loved is: https://unpickledblog.com/2011/05/08/ups-and-downs/ . “I felt guilt like a weight on my chest – I messed up something we both enjoyed by taking it too far. Stupid, stupid me and my stupid, stupid inability to not drink too much. ” and her husbands response of, ” I am so proud of you. You are being so strong and this is going to be good for us in the long run. Nothing bad will come of this.”
I do feel bad because I think of a summer BBQ, a fire in the backyard, and/or time at the lake with a beer. Camping with a big mix drink or a seltzer. Winter with a spiked hot chocolate or nice drink in a cozy home watching a movie. I feel like life won’t be as much fun…. But in those light-hearted pictures I just painted in your head it turn into shots and excessive drinking to get me to a place where I think I want to be, but lets be honest – that makes me fall asleep … or a huge crying mess… and I miss these things…… I am missing my life.
Hopefully I can get to these words: https://unpickledblog.com/2011/05/21/if-good-is-the-goal/
“My new life without alcohol is allowing me a new strength. I’ve always projected confidence, but now I actually feel it. The insides are starting to match the outsides. I sense an exponential growth about to emerge – if I’ not drinking I don’t feel so conflicted. If I’m not so conflicted, I don’t feel such a need to drink. “