Day 13

Made it through a second weekend! This weekend consisted of a Friday night of driving (about 8 hours), a full day of family time Saturday, and a lazier day on Sunday.

Friday I knew right away I would need to get extra income so I started driving right away after work and did that from approx 4:30 PM- 1:30 AM. It was so late when I got home that I had no urge to drink. This was not my best night with my spouse as we did not have a clear dinner plan and he got mad that I was gone and went over to the neighbors for many hours to have a fire while I was driving.

Saturday I was unaware that a birthday party was occuring. My spouse told me as I was walking out the door for an AM errand. I completed the errand, purchased a gift, and we were out the door. I cannot remember what was said, but my spouse and I fought on the way to the birthday party because he was hungry due to the previous nights sparse dinner and “me being crabby”. The birthday party; however, was fun! I didn’t always drink before or during events like this, but it crossed my mind (of I did pre-game) several times for sure. I even considered having a drink with dinner… as we had been at my spouse’s sisters house for about 5/6 hours. This turned from a birthday party lunch to a couple siblings sticking around for dinner. I wanted to have a “you did it all day! have a drink now”, but I talked myself out of this – to keep the sobriety and so I could drive again for the night.

Saturday night I was so tired I didn’t feel the need to have a night cap. And Sunday was a lot of driving again. Sunday night and Monday night I did not struggle too much, but the thought keeps crossing my mind. The bratty little kid (as Jean calls it) is a bit easier to silence.

I listened to this today:

Stories like these remind me how bad it could get. Remind me the uncontrollable urge that I need to control. And that if I don’t say no it can spiral so badly.

Working on it!

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