What the heck

When I was thinking about this post yesterday I had a list of specific what the hecks… now I have to add a worse one…. I drank four drinks of a beer yesterday. Wasn’t expecting to write that.

My original what the hecks were

  • I’m still bloated — everyone seems to lose this in their first week
  • I have’t lost any weight in the last 17 days — everyone seems to shed weight. I’m not even filling my alcohol sugar or calorie intake with food, which I have read others did/do
  • I’m still tired — I generally only get 6 hours of sleep so this isn’t earth shattering, but I was hoping to feel so much better each morning… not the case
  • I’ve had a really sore mouth. My gums and tongue have been really sensitive and raw-ish. Related? I’m not sure.
  • … Actually is that it? … I’m not thinking of any others

I guess let’s collect some good things:

  • I’m sleeping great!
  • I’m soooooooooooooooo less crabby
  • ^ less crabby because I can rationalize better?
  • ^ less crabby because I read that the alcohol enhances your anxiety
  • I’m having weird super sonic smell (I normally have a good sense of smell, but it’s extra-ordinary this week)
  • These smells and other things are triggering a lot of memories… Better brain functionality??
  • I’m not afraid to go into my third weekend. The bratty toddler voice (Unpickled references) is much quieter.
  • I haven’t fought with my spouse (well minus some bickering on the way to the birthday party last week that we will blame on h-anger). I can think through my thoughts and not fire any dumb comments off too quickly.

So on the the worst part.

I was so excited to make it through two weekends… two Fridays… two Saturdays… a family gathering… the dinner with co-workers… stress and life. AND being summoned at the grocery store! All moments to celebrate abstaining.

Last night I get home from work and my husband shows me a sour beer! He bought me sour beers! I like sour beers. He said try it! and opened it. I simply said, “I’m not drinking right now.” But I tried it. Luckily it wasn’t a great rendition of a sour beer. But unless I want to have that conversation I will be finishing that beer at some point this weekend… dumping it down the drain when he is not around? I’m not sure. Right now it hasn’t made the bratty kid stand on a soap box, but I’m too new to this to dangle something in her face.

I want to say, yes you can have a beer or two this weekend! But I’m also scared as I read other stories that this just gets to back to black-out-weekends. I don’t want to be there.

17 days! 16.5 days? I’m not sure how hard to come down on 4 swallows of beer.

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