Accountability

I was going to say What the Heck #2, but that is not accountable.

On Friday I was going to drive…. and I should have. My husband started a fire with the neighbor – they do this all the time. I miss the fires, most of the time, because I am working. I miss the fires, sometimes, because I don’t particularly enjoy camp fires.

I did some driving, but once it got dark I thought, “I deserve to have fun!? I haven’t sat by a fire all summer!?” so I went home and joined them. It was just two when I arrived with the thought another neighbor would join – they didn’t end up coming over. When I walked in the door I made a drink – measured out two shots to be in control – and went out.

In the end not really worth it… I was bored at the fire. Why, idk!?! This is probably something to do with the inability to slow down I’ve been reading/listening about… Also a Tedtalk was talking about being comfortable in silence and not being over stimulated. Fires are pretty low key. I’m unable to accept the low-key-ness.

Anyways. Me and the neighbor girl are both over -doer’s. But I measured my drink! I was going to be in control and it was going to be fun! … Well my husband didn’t feel in the conversation as much as he wanted since we transitioned to job talk and went in the house. At this point I grabbed a beer… took a shot… and joined her for another hour or two. I drank far less than I normally do and remember the whole night, but I took that shot out of anger towards my husband… not my goal moving forward.

Saturday I hung out with family all day and drove during the night so no drinks.

Sunday my husband said some mean words. I took a shot before I left again for the family rummage sale. Oddly I felt no buzz. I regret drinking out of anger. This is what I need to get away from.

I do not regret, trying, to have fun on Friday, but I do need to not drink out of feelings.

I work now Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday and plan to drive on Friday, so no drinks now for a next few days. I made it 16 days and nights! I can do it again as this weekend was really not that much fun. I woke up super tired on Saturday. Drinking did not add joy or fun to the weekend.

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