Weekend #4- ish

This weekend consists of Friday Night, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Probably not the best weekend to have a long weekend, but I will take on the challenge. Day 1 – 8/7, Day 1 – again – 8/28. Sober 18/21 days. Sober almost 3 days.

I don’t want to be super harsh on myself, but I have work to do.

I have to work hard to silence the bratty child. She was talking again this week.

The internet is really helping oddly enough. Finding “friends” from a distance. This man talks about his bad days… Remind me of my bad days- “What happened last night?”, “Are my friends mad?”, “Is my husband mad?”. I drank in front of friends,and family, and strangers. Did stupid stuff in front of all of them. Didn’t remember so many nights. Why did the guilt and embarrassment not help me!?!

So may nights that I couldn’t deal and have no idea what happened that night. Waking up the next morning wondering what happened. All of this meaning I was not living life. Drinking and sleeping.

Working, Drinking, and Sleeping. That is my only life the last 3 + years.

So when the “fuck its” hit this weekend I will think of all of all of this…… Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over ……..

It hurts. Someday it will be better… according to all of these people :-P.

Is my body as harmed as the above? No. Do I want my body as damaged? No. Do I want to put myself in harms danger? No. Do I want to be recognized at the liquor store? No. Do I want to be the one standing there despritely trying to buy/consume alcohol? No.

This clip scared me… brought back to some suicidal thoughts that have passed my mind through-out this past year or two. I don’t think I’ve fully admitted to some of those days. I will think about those this weekend too.

Suggestions in video # 2:

  • Idle time is dangerous
  • Download an App – did today!
  • Don’t count too far ahead. Keep focused.
  • Think of all the money you are saving – he said he was spending about $100/week. I think we might be closer to $30, but now $30 should turn into $15! (husband’s consumption)
  • Sleep better- already I see this apparent
  • You’re (possibly) not picking stupid fights (you shouldn’t be isolated then)
  • Heightened senses- yes! I’ve totally experienced this in the last few weeks!
  • Creativity came back
  • Up earlier, productivity has increased
  • Stay busy to stay sober
  • People will notice that you look healthier
  • Weight loss (cutting carbs, calories, and sugar
  • Raise others up – you will be more positive
  • “I still think about alcohol every single day” – he suggests to take a nap

“We stay sober, no matter what”

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