I was very nervous to be at home all the time… With the alcohol… With my huband… With my feelings.
So far it’s been okay… actually so far I have had <no> cravings which is weird and puts me on red alert… Perhaps it’s fair to say I hear the bratty kid in my head far less, but I’m still thinking about, “Okay how does this situation look sober?” The bratty kid has turned a bit more mature?
But I think, oddly, this time at home is helping to break habits.
I would be coming home from work – any day – that commute, that opportunity to wind down- that was the start EVERY TIME for a craving. Commuting does not happen any more… so worst craving time is now not available.
Now everyone is working from home and I have a new job! My last two positions it was frowned upon to work from home, so the few times I did I felt guilty and I had to silence the bratty child all day. This crew works from home a lot, plus the added bonus of everyone has to work from home until at least June 1st- no guilt, no fighting that voice in my head.
Spring/Summer is new territory for me, so I’m nervous about that. I do find myself (less consciously) thinking through – well I could drink before <insert anything, literally> , but I know how that will result and that I can have more fun/far less stress if I don’t.
Drink before a walk, drink while sitting outside reading, drink before drink, during dinner, after dinner, drink at the fire, drink…drink… drink… DRIIIIINK.
My husband doesn’t ask if I want a drink any more. I’m not sure how long he thinks I’m been sober or when he noticed I really wasn’t drinking. I see that he has switched over to whiskey again. We were drinking Vodka a lot in 2018 and 2019. He is buying smaller bottles – not sure exactly why, just little notices.
Ugh, maybe the embarrassment is finally setting in.
In reality it’s been pretty good! I haven’t had cravings. My husband and I have been getting along great and having fun with our down time. This might have been the sobriety and relationship overhaul I needed.