Guilt – Relapse Dreams & A Day to Myself

Relapse dreams will give you enough guilt to not want to drink for a couple of days.

I don’t exactly remember the start of the dream. But somewhere within I was offered a drink, I hem-hawed, but accepted and drank…. I was so sad in my dream that I had that first drink… then thought, well I already did it, have another, but don’t get too crazy.

I, very guiltily and slowly, drank in the dream so I wouldn’t get blackout… So my subconscious knows it won’t go well LOL … Ugh. I was nervous the whole time – “Don’t take it too far!”

I woke up and had to analyze – did I drink last night? Oh good! No! That was a dream! I had such immense relief that it renewed me for the week.

Next, I was by myself most of Memorial Day as my husband took his father golfing. These are they days where I think, well I could as I wouldn’t be offending anyone else… But on these days that I finally had some coveted time alone… I would drink and then want to sleep or just get really drunk and then “waste the day”. I did not drink on Monday, but it did cross my mind.

Since I have written last I have made it another two weeks sober. There were a few harder days in there, but I would have been drinking to avoid feelings… Talked myself out of it and moved on. I mostly want to drink at the end of a day because my husband has hurt my feelings or “has been a handful”. And although I probably have not 100% properly found a way to work through those feelings with him or myself I have successfully avoided covering them up with a drink. So that is a start.

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