Traits – Covering Trauma … or … Inheriting Addiction

My sister unloaded on my with her thoughts on our mom. Our mom is hard to take and I know this, but this conversation still took me back. Here are a few things she mentioned she thought my mom suffered from… How did this affect us? What traits do I have of these?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

  • Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
  • Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

Addictive Personality Disorder?

  • The person becomes obsessed (constantly thinks of) the object, activity, or substance.
  • They will seek out and engage in the behavior even though it is causing harm.
  • He/she denies problems resulting from his/her engagement in the behavior, even though it is clearly and increasingly obvious to others.
  • Individuals with addictive behaviors usually have low self-esteem, feel anxious about their loss of control over their environment, and come often from psychologically or physically abusive backgrounds.

Secret Drinking Problem?

I always remember she always we so willing to help others, but didn’t ever want to help us… We were not exactly neglected – we were fed, had roof over our heads and clothes that fit… But I watched her go above and beyond for strangers and kids at school that always confused me. Certainly affected me… I’m not entirely sure how deep it goes.

My mom was physically abusive to my sister and I…. And my dad. She would do little things that would cause undetectable harm – break skin that would be covered by our t-shirt. Grab our hair and thrown us down. “Don’t tell anyone at school” – I can still envision that day probably 20 years ago. Then again a little later when she was upstairs attacking my dad… All the screaming… And some how I knew she was hurting him, but he not her.

She was always so confused why I liked my dad better and it bothered her…. I always wondered how she could wonder.

I wonder why she didn’t get a record when we went to the hospital for stitches after she threw a snow globe at him.

I only remember my mom drinking on an occasional Friday with a friend – “having a beer”. I do not remember my parents drinking at all during my childhood, but my sister thought maybe she was drinking quite a bit.

I know my mom had some significant childhood trauma… but she always said all she ever wanted was to be a mom… but she was so bad at it….

This is a reminder, now at my age, parents are human and are dealing with their own trauma, hurt, issues… but I think they should try to shield their children a little bit.

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