Dec 15th -> June 15th
In December or for years before that, the thought of being sober sounded impossible. The act of trying to get sober was .. truly felt like it was impossible.
And some how I sit here today… 6 months sober. That is crazy to me.
If someone is reading this thinking “tomorrow is the day”. I will tell you it gets so much easier… and some how equally as difficult. I have the power to push through to continue to not drink, but that voice in your head… whisper in your gut… is still there. Not everyday! But some days you really have to still combat it! I’m here to say you can! And you should.
This weekend I sat at a bar, sober. I enjoyed myself. I didn’t spend a fortune. I was able to drive myself home without a second thought. I was able to enjoy the little bit of my night that was left when I got home. I remember the whole night, slept great, and had an excellent Saturday Morning.
Sunday I did have a moment of “celebrate”. And I learned you can celebrate without a drink and feel so much better!
November 2017, we redid many things in our bathroom including ripping out the floor, sink, and toilet. By the end of the day I was pretty tipsy. I wondered how much my husband and brother-in-law knew I was intoxicated. I hated that feeling. I didn’t even like the drunk feeling, yet I was so anxious I drank.
This Sunday, June 2020, we built a new deck on our house and I didn’t drink. My helpers did. I had a root beer and happily stayed focused and sober. I didn’t feel sick at the end of the day and only sleepy because we were working hard outside. I was able to sit down during the evening and not want to drink and drink and drink more (because once you start you just gotta keep going), but just savor the work that was done.
I look back at some many of my pictures on my phone or social media and think – drunk… drunk… was drinking that day… drunk … Hungover… drunk…. etc.
All the lies I was telling myself and people was sad… and hard …
The thing I DO NOT miss the most is thinking about how early I can start drinking on a Saturday…. 7, 8, 9 months ago that was ALL I could think about… amongst other drinking things.
I’m happy to have one weight off my sholders… because life sure brings on other things. Drinking never once alievated my fears or worries, it just exasperated and prolonged them.
If anyone is reading this that needs a day 1 – you got it! take it! you can do it!