Sick and Tired… of being sick and tired

I had a relapse dream…. except I’m in the midst of a relapse.

I had a dream that I was offered a drink, so I sipped it every so slightly and set aside “just one more” and told myself that was all I could drink was those 2. I can’t remember all the details but I was sad/nervous about drinking that’s for sure. I woke up and I was like noooo did I drink last night!?! Nope… but got a ways to go.

I’ve had a couple days again that I WANT to drink in the morning… and I do… and then I’m instantly exhausted, lazy and WANT/NEED to keep drinking. Wasted the day. Made myself completely EXHAUSTED. I can’t explain it other than the – sick and tired of being sick and tired.

The last couple of times I drank I didn’t even enjoy it… lol or has that been for years? — but lately I “need to choke some down to feel good/okay” and that lasts for 30 min and then I feel like crap. Pattern: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle… over and over and over.

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