First Weekend

I made it through my first sober weekend… probably in forever. I certainly could not give you a date. Depending on what was going on I’d certainly crave, want, indulge in a Friday night drink(s). And then depending on what was going on just keep going through the weekend.

Friday night, leaving work, I need to to battle that kid, as Jean describes. I knew I was going to drive this evening so it was quieted quickly, but still sitting in the back of my mind. After dinner I took to the roads to work on making money with my second job. Once I leave the house and get away from the tease of it I’m better. But when I return home later into the evening I need to talk myself out of a “you did it!”, “you made it through the week”, “you helped your family by making extra money!” congratulatory drink. I did talk myself out of it and went to bed. I slept pretty good.

Recently most Saturday mornings I needed to battle that child’s voice right from the get go:

From Unpickled: As it turns out, my habit is like a persistent, bratty 3 year old that says, “Can I have candy?” (No.) “Now can I have candy?” (No.) “Noowwww can I have some candy, pleeeeease?” (No.) “I WANT CANDY!” (No, darling.) “Wahhhhh, candy! Candy! Candy! (No, no, no.)

Jean’s blog and the BubbleHour’s advice helped throughout this day – keep busy, keep your mind off of it. My husband and I went to the farmer’s market in our town and ran some errands. I was exhausted by mid-day. I’m not sure I can equate that to this change (sugar drop?) or just a busy week. After my nap it was “easy” to avoid again because I intended on driving again and it was important because we needed the money. I must say even in situations that I know I shouldn’t be drinking it doesn’t make that voice always quiet down. I have to continually say no. And then just like Friday once I got back home for the night I wanted to have a wind down drink – nope! don’t do it. I went to bed and this time for sure I slept amazing.

Although I didn’t appreciate it as much as I could have I didn’t wake up hung over all weekend! This is awesome. I will say that I could make it through the weekend without being hungover before and recently, but not without drinking. It’s nice to sleep well through the night. When I drink heavily I find myself waking up at 2 AM and having troubles getting back to sleep. I know there is some science behind the alcohol being a downer and then your body coming back up…. But waking up at 2 AM, especially on a day that entailed working 8-15 hours, is not the way to start your day.

In the many inspirational videos and podcasts I have interacted with last week everyone was talking about exercise. I asked my husband if he wanted to go on a walk or bike ride. We decided to check out a new trail and hiked for about 45 min. We made the important decision to eat some lunch at home (I’ll get into our finances at some point I’m sure) and made some delicious fajitas.

Guess what happened at the grocery store? In the liquor department there is often a person giving away samples. Even on a heavy drinking day/weekend/thought filled day I generally do not take from them as they are trying to sell people their sample and we do not often buy from them. I just feel like it’s rude. Anyways, today the gentlemen had a foreign accent with a foreign booze – intrigue. My husband takes a sample and they both turn to me to get me to try something (he had about 4 items to sample). I had to say no many times before they relented. I won this battle, but for a split second I wondered if I would have to say, “I’m sober” to make it stop. I do wonder if it would make it easier, but I’m not ready to say it out loud. I want to explore this territory by myself. I do wonder with that and by the end of the weekend if my husband noticed. He didn’t say anything. Mental note: don’t go through the liquor section if I do not need to.

Shortly after lunch on Sunday, I was going to drive again to make some extra money. Lo- and- behold who is the first person I pick up? Someone who cannot, CANNOT walk out of the bar. SUNDAY FUNDAY, right!? I know I have been that person who has stumbled home from a bar. I, not always remembering the stumble, how scary! How shameful.

I tried to soak up every moment of this man’s capabilities and behavior. Telling myself, “Why would you want to get here? How will he feel later? What a waste of money (for our budget at least).” This interaction made it fairly easy to come home and not drink.

On to a typical week of working 60 + hours. I’m holding on for dear life.

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